There's Ranch in my Pants

One of my favorite read-alouds as a kid was "A Light in the Attic," which I remember being quite hilarious for both my mom and us kids. Thankfully my girls love this and other Shel Silverstein volumes, so we've been plowing through them and cracking up together -- nightly. So here is my tribute to Mr. Silverstein: a fun little creation that was inspired by Eve when she wiggled on the couch and said to me, "I think there's ranch in my pants." Enjoy!

There's ranch in my pants,

and beans in my beard,

And ham slices, for worse or for better,

Are dangling like weeds

grown from sunflower seeds

amongst arugula in my argyle sweater.

There's a billion bacon bits

scratching my arm pits,

I've got olives in my front left pocket.

There's asparagus to spare

filling my underwear

and falling out, unless I can stop it.

And then there's the croutons,

the carrots, the cheese,

which squish all around in my socks.

While I haven't checked there

I think there's eggs in my hair,

and somewhere, my celery stalks.

My belt bursts with spinach.

There! I'm finally finished

with this funny, food-stuffed ballad.

My message complete:

You are what you eat.

And sometimes you have to be salad.